Friday, November 03, 2006

Simply "Yes" or "No"

Have you ever noticed that it is difficult for people to make firm commitments? I am becoming more aware (with a heightened sensitivity I suppose) how much people give themselves “an out” when committing their time or energy. And I am no exception – I am the perpetual “options” guy. It is a challenge to give a firm yes or no – “maybe” or “most likely” is so much more comfortable. And it gets worse when married couples use their spouse as their out – the “I need to check with my husband/wife” is the most common mantra. Do not get me wrong; marital harmony in scheduling is a critical component to overall happiness.

All this was sparked by two recent situations in which I was told with confidence that particular individuals could “probably make something happen” only to learn, at the last minute, that they really could not. But the word “probably” was their out – they never really fully committed in the first place. Maybe having an out is a way to lessen the blow if something does arise that prevents involvement. Or maybe having an out is way to ultimately maintain control over our schedule. I think that is it – by fully committing to a particular task or project, we are surrendering control for a period of time. And we innately do not like surrendering control.

I was reading this morning in Matthew 5:33-37 when Jesus was giving his “Sermon on the Mount.” He specifically speaks to notion of making empty promises (oaths) that a person never truly intends to fulfill. In that time, the religious leaders would make such oaths, swearing by heaven, by Jerusalem, or by their own heads. Whatever they swore by gave their promise legitimacy, regardless of whether they planned to keep their promise or not. I think we today have a similar practice: by making partial commitments (with an out) we gain legitimacy. We are recognized as being interested in helping or giving of our time. But with an out, we can uncommit ourselves and still have the appearance of concern or involvement.

Jesus put it clearly, “All you need to say is simply ‘Yes,’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”

3 comments:

txsorange said...

I can't disagree with your sentiment - and think there is much truth in it. I think the "maybe" is a result of a lot of things - legitimate busy-ness, and not wanting to over-commit the family/spouse; illegitimate busy-ness (i.e. laziness falsely characterized as productive busy-ness); simply being afraid to say no because there's no relational connection and a lack of willingness to try; and many others.

But, just perhaps, those two folks said maybe because they really did want to "make it happen" but genuinely didn't want to disappoint you if it didn't work out. I think well-meaning people say "maybe" when they are sensitive enough to their own busy schedules, and caring enough of others, to want to limit the impact of their harried lives on others.

I definitely don't think this is the case in most instances; but it is in the fact that you haven't made it to Dallas, and I haven't made it to Sweetwater. I hope you agree with that!

Here's hoping the "maybe" turns to "yes." :-)

jej

Than Brown said...

All right - taking the plank out of my own eye now, I realize that I have not made it quite yet to Dallas. We do need to solidify some plans, so that my "yes" can be "yes."

txsorange said...

Easy podnah! I wasn't launching large wood fragments. Notice I mention my absence from Sweetwater. I only give that example because I know both our hearts, yet we still haven't been able to make it happen.

So, I don't think all "maybe's" are "partial commitments." Sometimes life is just more difficult and complicated than we'd like.

jej