For most who would read this blog, you know that my family and I are embarking on a significant life change as we relocate from the Denver metro area to the bustling metropolis of Sweetwater, Texas. And by the nature of the transition and the closing of a significant season of my life (completing my seminary degree), I have been thinking a great deal about the other seasons of my life that I have come through: my high school days, life in college at Texas Tech University, my internship at Focus on the Family, and my year of teaching overseas in China. And what has struck me is that I have very little contact, if any at all, with people that I knew in each of those seasons. And I am wondering why that is the case. Is this normal for most people, namely that some relationships simply come to a natural close or ending? What should my expectations be of the friendships that I have now that I am about to leave?
What I am realizing, for myself, is that I have an intense desire to not repeat the pattern of previous seasons. I want to keep many of my current relationships active and fresh despite the difficultly of distance. I truly desire to stay in contact, to make trips back to the Denver area to see friends, and to have them come and visit us. This is with a full acknowledgement that for many here in Denver, Texas is Nineveh. Is this naïve, wishful thinking, or is this really possible?
Intentionality perhaps holds the answer…
6 comments:
I think you hit the nail on the head. Intentionality. When I think back through the seasons of my life, there is always at least one person from each season with whom I have remained in contact. In some cases, the intentionality was mine; in some, it was the other person's. In the best cases, it has been both of us, but I've found that such cases are rare. In all cases, I am thankful because these relationships enrich my life. People who have seen me through multiple seasons of life can offer me a perspective like none other, and vice versa.
P.S. Keeping a blog, and reading/interacting with your friends' blogs is an excellent and easy way to maintain some relationships. :-)
Than, the Nashes of Kentucky have every intention of keeping in contact with you and your family. Of course, the Lord brings people in and out of our lives for a reason. Good luck with the move!
Jen Nash
I guess, speaking from experience (both in the desire and concern), the truth of saying, "It is naive, wishful thinking, or is this really possible?" largely depends upon what you mean by "active" and "fresh." Not to discourage, but look at Acts 20:25,36-38. It seems God is perfectly content to send us on travels that change not only our geography, but our emotional landscape as well. Of course, our ability to travel and communicate today isn't what Paul had at his disposal; but I wonder if it would have mattered to him. He seemed to have this intense drive to follow after God, that to look back over his shoulder to contemplate the "seasonal" relationships of his ministry was to slow him down or distract him from the present need that God placed before him.
I don't particularly like the idea of giving my life away into the hands of others, only to walk away and leave a piece of myself behind; but I guess the pain of that would be dulled if I felt what I left behind wasn't me at all but a glimpse of God's love working through me. After all, what would anyone want with a tiny piece of this broken life.
My experience has taught me that it isn't the distance that creates the difficulty. The difficulty is because we continue to maintain those relationships as if they are unchanged. Yet, we must not think so much of ourselves to believe that who we are is unaffected by a change in scenery. I confess I am not the same person now as I was in Colorado - some ways worse, and some better. Often, I feel like an alien trying to relate to those just a few months ago were as comfortable as a favorite t-shirt. Is this God urging me "on to Jerusalem," prompting me to look forward not back? Like Paul, I cannot do so without tears. The tears are an affirmation that "I have not wasted my time hear...I love as I am loved...I was teacher and taught" - they affirm that we journeyed, even a short while, while sharing God with one another.
As for intentionality, I wonder if the effort isn't better spent on remembering the love and lessons of those "seasonal" relationships and harness that focus for the new. As for the expectations placed on friends you leave behind, that is difficult. Where my God ask them to focus their intentionality? Expectations typically produce guilt and anger; this might be an area that is served best without them. As for me, I've certainly felt the anger but am unsure I was justified in doing so.
In closing, I don't know where the halfway point is or if it has a LePeeps but I do know that Texas is not Nineveh for those that are here. (But, honestly, I do sometimes still find myself grumbling under the pathetic shade of a failing weed.) We are glad that God is bringing you closer and are confident that if relationships in Colorado prove too difficult that he will be faithful to provide anew. I suppose in that sense, I imagine Paul smiling through his tears.
jej
Jamo,
You'll be interested to know that Than used the scriptures from Acts 20 in his farewell lesson yesterday.
Also, you said:
"My experience has taught me that it isn't the distance that creates the difficulty. The difficulty is because we continue to maintain those relationships as if they are unchanged."
Very true. I hadn't thought of it that way, but I think we have all learned this, but some of us didn't know how to articulate it. Thanks!!!
Ellie
7/31/06
To me, one real key is mutuality. Ellie said that in some friendships she has been intentional and in others it is the friend who was intentional, which is true. You may or may not be the initiator, but in all cases there has to be work on both parts.
Over the next months, it may start to shake out a little...perhaps to your surprise, that some relationships have just been seasonal and others have endured...even when you make the same effort.
I have several enduring relationships, and they are all precious to me. We aren't always consistent, but we know we can count on each other. May you and Adina have at least a few of those enduring relationships from Colorado...and from each new stage of your journey.
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